The one where the embarrassment never ends

It all started last week when I was really sick. The throwing up kind. Not the sniffles kind.

On top of being sick, work had been a bit frustrating and I thought if I could JUST get to the gym, I could get some endorphins pumping. And endorphins are good things when sick and frustrated. Or so I thought.

A good 3 mile run one day, a spin class on Wednesday, and a barre fitness class on Thursday. That was the plan.

Now, I must say, I'm not really a fan of group fitness classes. And to say I'm not a fan- I really mean I hate hate hate hate hate them. It's just all sorts of awkward and uncomfortable. But. I am all about trying new things these days. It's 2015. Give it a shot, right?

I begrudgingly showed up to class 10 minutes before it started. I'd changed out of my work clothes and got to the class, finding it to be completely silent in there, with 6 girls all sitting on their mats, legs crossed, doing random stretches, and one girl in particular doing weird breathing things. I should have turned around right then.

But no. I didn't heed the warnings in my brain.

I got my mat, randomly decided to spray it down, you know- to let the other girls in the class see that I care about cleanliness and no germs, or something. I mean, really. I don't know why I did that. I already felt out of place entering a room full of girls in their coordinating hair accessories and workout outfits (I didn't get the shimmery coral memo, evidently). And then I sat down to wait for the instructor.

6pm comes- still no teacher.  I think about leaving. But at 6, I can't leave because that feels a little TOO eager to escape. 6:10, still no teacher. I'm thinking at this point- this is my chance to leave! No teacher? Not my problem! I at least showed up, right? I start to stand up and put my stuff away when one of the girls in the class goes downstairs to ask the front desk. Overachiever. Sheesh. She returns saying teacher should be there in 5 minutes. I have 5 minutes to make my decision. Will I stay or will I go?

I decide to stay. The class will be 15 minutes shorter. I can do anything for 45 minutes, right?

Sigh.

Teacher comes in all out of breath (not a good sign as she is the TEACHER) so I think "maybe she will be tired and give us a break." She asks who is new. I raise my hand with two other girls. She says "alright, let's get started." She may as well have said "hope you can keep up, suckers! Welcome to hell." At least that's what I heard.

We begin class and I think I might die. I'm not kidding. I left work frustrated and in need of endorphins only to enter a class in which I feel out of place, uncoordinated, and completely left to fend for myself and figure out how to do what the rest of the class is doing. I look around the room to the other girls who had said they were new and they looked like I imagined myself looking. Let's just say it wasn't pretty.

30 minutes in and we get down on the mats and go into plank position. I can do plank. Good. I've got this. 45 seconds in and still planking while adding new movements. Wait. I can do plank for a minute- then rest. Then do it again. But we're not stopping. I kid you not- we were in plank for almost 5 minutes. (let me rephrase. THEY were in plank for 5 minutes.) I laid down on my mat (my CLEAN mat, I might add) and had my face to the ground. Tears were forming.

Not good. I get back up in plank and give myself the "get your act together, Corso" speech. It went something like this: You have more self respect than to allow yourself to cry in a workout class. Don't even think about it.

I am continuing to plank and one girl says from the back of the class: Is there a modified movement for us who can't do this? My arms are shot. They can't handle this.

What I should have done is gotten up from my mat, walked over to that girl and given her a hug. But again with the self respect thing- I resisted. I turned to look at her and she was SO fit. Another bonus. Not a weakling just dying. An actual fit person who also had enough of this garbage.

The teacher says "Well, we really want you to work these muscles... I guess if you can't do it- you can just do crunches."

I may have given her the finger in my mind.

I looked up at the clock and saw that it was 7pm.  I'm out. I don't care if they were to go longer because of the teacher being late. I was outta there. I get up and put my stuff away (no one else did.) I don't care. I got out of that class as fast as my legs would allow. Which evidently isn't very fast after all the leg workout we'd just done.

I start walking limping down the stairs. I don't know if I was more exhausted or more relieved. You know, relieved that the class was over. On the second flight down, of course I see someone I know coming UP the stairs. If you know me at all- you know I LOVE talking to people. And I love saying hi when I see people I know. But I almost tripped and fell trying to cover my face in attempts to have this person not see me.

I walk to the metro and don't even care about waiting for my train to come. Waiting means not walking. Waiting means resting.

The train comes, I sit down and go to grab my headphones out of my bag. They were, of course, at the bottom of the bag. The bag holding my work clothes that I'd previously changed out of. And wouldn't you know it- the headphones were caught on something and as I yanked them out, everyone on the blue train got to see my bra fly out of the bag and land on the floor. I didn't have energy to even be embarrassed. My first thought as I scrambled to put the bra back in the bag was "at least I'm not planking right now."

I arrived back at the apartment, threw my stuff down, and proceeded to eat a piece of pie.