The one where we feel seen

I had an interesting weekend. Lots of feelings and emotions swirling. And for the record, I hate feeling emotional for myself. HATE IT. Feeling emotional for others or on behalf of someone else? I'm all in. But for me? Ugh. 

I wanted to message Jaryn last night to tell her about it, but I refrained from doing so because I feel like maybe I've become too needy of a friend. I've had a LOT of things happen in my life this year. Really big things. Lots of good things. And all of those things, Jaryn has been along for the ride. Sometimes physically IN PERSON with me, and most often via FaceTime or Google Chat. She knows all the things. 

And last night, when I was all up in my emotions, I convinced myself that Jaryn probably didn't need an emotional Minda and decided to go to bed instead of reach out to my friend. I didn't want to be a needy friend or be an emotional drain. 

(To be clear, Jaryn has never made me feel like this.... this was just me making crap up.)

This morning, she forwarded along a commentary she'd read that was similar to something I'd also shared just this morning. The question was, "Where do you go when you're overwhelmed?" 

Which was an open door for me to explain my weekend to her. Most often, Jesus gets ALL the things. He's where I go when overwhelmed. Jaryn is second. 

And I said this to her:

"Most times when feeling overwhelmed/emotional, I don't need anything. I just want you to know. I want someone to bear witness to my pain. I want to be seen."

Being single for as long as I've been single-- I feel like there is SO MUCH of my life that is never seen by anyone. Yes, I'm on social media and have found a good balance of sharing the good/hard things. But it's still only a glimpse of my life. The rest of it is mainly never witnessed by anyone. 

And especially the painful moments-- I want to know someone sees them. I don't need them to be fixed. I just need someone to bear witness to my life. When I share things on social, you're bearing witness to my life. When you come to my home or we spend time together in person, you're bearing witness to my life.  

Being in close friendship doesn't mean you have to be all the things for that person at all times. You don't need to have answers or solve problems. Lord knows we all have enough of our own. Showing up in friendship oftentimes simply says, "Your life is important and I see you." 

Show up in friendship for someone today. Bear witness to their life. Make them feel seen.