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The one with the tree

I know this will come as a surprise to some of you, but when it comes to music, I don’t know a lot. I can hear a song and it be familiar, but I won’t be able to tell you who the artist is or when it came out. I probably won’t know many lyrics. Sure, I can sing and play piano, but that’s about where my musical ability ends. It’s embarrassing, almost. I feel this pressure to know more music than I do.

But here is a secret. I’m a one song kind of gal. If I like a song, I will listen to it on repeat. For hours, days, months on end. Now, clearly I can live this way because I’m single. I wouldn’t subject anyone else to this way of life. But while I’m single? It’s what I do.

November 2020 was spent walking. Every day. I would bundle up (because Michigan), put in my air pods, and go for walks while listening to one song on repeat. On November 6, I’d just left my apartment to start a walk when Tim messaged and said, “Have you heard this song yet?” I hadn’t. So I hit play. And then I hit repeat. And then again. And then I listened to the song on repeat for the whole month.

A photo I took along the walk showed up in my memories this morning. And when I looked at this photo, I heard these words:

Sing out o barren woman
Sing out o broken man
Stretch out your hands believing this is your promise land
Break out of disappointment
Break out of hopelessness
Stretch out your hands believing this is your promise land

This view is now marked by a song. Listening to a song on repeat might not be the way others speak truth to themselves, but it’s how I do it. I felt so empty, like this tree. I had to remind myself every.single.day that this would not be the end of my story. That the barrenness, disappointment, and hopelessness would not last forever. 

So, while I walked, instead of thinking about the pain I was experiencing, I would sing these words on repeat.

And now, a year later, I see this tree and am reminded that we CAN break out of disappointment and hopelessness. It’s not as easy as listening to a song on repeat, but that’s not a bad way to start.


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