Mary Poppins Wasn't Perfect

I use an app called Timehop. It's an old app and I have friends who make fun of the fact that I still open the app EVERY SINGLE DAY. 1360 days in a row, to be exact. Most days, it's a fun look back at my 'day in history' moments.  And then days like today it's not a good look back. It reminds me of one of the most painful days. A day in which my heart experienced pain like I hope to never experience again.  But as a human--- the chances of having my heart broken again are pretty high. I was just really fortunate to not have it happen like this til I was in my 30's.  I opened the app and saw images/screenshots of text messages that were sent and received ending a relationship.  The days/weeks/months that followed were so painful, but my friends rallied around me-- those who lived near me-- and those who lived far away.  That's a consistent part of my story. I have friends that rally. While today isn't a day I'd particularly like to remember, I'm c...

  Fun fact: I made sure to video blog about my adventures in 2021-- as I wanted to SEE-- not just read-- the difference in me over the course of the adventure. I will start to share a few of those here. Felt fitting to share this first one on the anniversary of my Michigan departure. To note, these were originally going to just be for my own viewing pleasure. They were not done with the intent of showing anyone. So my editing skills were a bit janky. Apologies for that. :) 

This month, my Grandpa Corso turned 95 and Jody turned 92. Quick side note: when my sister and I were born, Jody felt she was too young to be a grandmother (at age 53) and wanted us to call her by her first name-- hence 'Jody and Grandpa.' Upon the arrival of more grandchildren, she evidently felt it was time and became known as 'Grams' to the rest of the grandkids. But to me--- she's my Jody. November took a turn for our family as we needed to get additional assistance for Grandpa—he and Jody had been living in their own home doing just fine, thriving in their 90’s. But there comes a point. And we reached that point. It was a bit of a shakeup for us as it's hard to come to grips with change like this-- especially when the memory of one is gone and no longer knows you as a wife, son, grandchild. Initially, Jody felt a sense of relief-- as the woman had needed a break. But one week in, she realized more than the break, she needed him. She needed the comfort and p...

We had snow this weekend. It was lovely and fluffy and made my winter-loving heart very happy. On Saturday morning, a friend who lives 25 minutes away text and mentioned how she wished we lived closer. I told her: "Lest you think I'm cozied up with coffee and blankets and pancakes, this is what I'm doing." And proceeded to text her a photo of me leaving the gym.  I had just left Orange Theory and was outside in 25 degree weather, in a tank top, and tried to quickly (and discreetly) snap a selfie to send to my friend.  Except as I snapped the photo, I heard, "Girl, you killed that workout. Way to make it happen in the snow! Document that shit!" At first, I felt the shame of being caught taking the selfie, and then their words registered. They weren't selfie shaming me. They were CHEERING for me.  I was struck by a few emotions immediately after this encounter. The first being genuine happiness. I had the biggest grin on my face and their comments put a pe...

Yesterday was a mile marker for me.  One year ago, I was inside my favorite little coffee shop in Kalamazoo. I'd left the surgeon's office having been cleared to start running again post knee surgery and stopped to get my favorite drink. The look I was given by my gal Allison clued me into the fact that something was amiss.  It was December 2020. My neighbors had moved. My office had announced we'd be staying home at least another six months, and I was about to learn my favorite coffee shop was closing their doors. That was the final straw. I knew I needed to make a change. I was at the end of my rope and I could either suck it up and keep struggling, or I could make a change. I got in my car, called my apartment complex and said, "Aside from the inordinate amount of money it costs to break a lease, what else do I need to know? How much of a notice do you need?" They said 45 days. I responded, "What is 45 days from right now?" They said, "January 31...

One year ago today, I wrote in my journal: "the weary world rejoices..." I'm ready for some rejoicing.  It has been a sad and dark time. You are not unaware. I have to believe you see me here. And this wasn't even the saddest of posts. That would come a week later.  It's wild to me that one year later I've found a season of rejoicing. Not wild because I didn't think it would happen. But wild because it's nothing like I prayed for. It looks different than I could have ever dreamed up. No, not everything is magically better. Life is still hard. Prayers are still left unanswered. Questions remain. But He brought me into a spacious place.  "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters/// He brought me into a spacious place; he rescued me because delighted in me."  Psalm 18:16, 19

I had an interesting weekend. Lots of feelings and emotions swirling. And for the record, I hate feeling emotional for myself. HATE IT. Feeling emotional for others or on behalf of someone else? I'm all in. But for me? Ugh.  I wanted to message Jaryn last night to tell her about it, but I refrained from doing so because I feel like maybe I've become too needy of a friend. I've had a LOT of things happen in my life this year. Really big things. Lots of good things. And all of those things, Jaryn has been along for the ride. Sometimes physically IN PERSON with me, and most often via FaceTime or Google Chat. She knows all the things.  And last night, when I was all up in my emotions, I convinced myself that Jaryn probably didn't need an emotional Minda and decided to go to bed instead of reach out to my friend. I didn't want to be a needy friend or be an emotional drain.  (To be clear, Jaryn has never made me feel like this.... this was just me making crap up.) This mo...