Mary Poppins Wasn't Perfect

A guy on TikTok (Sam Fischer) posted a song called Carry It Well . I'd been hearing snippets of the song and found myself listening on repeat.  The lyrics: Just because I carry it well doesn't mean it isn't heavy and i don't need some help I know I keep it locked down, but all I want now  is somebody who can tell me how it's gonna work out.  I saw news of a celebrity who took his own life last week. To say I was shocked was an understatement. From the picture painted across his social media, this guy radiated joy. He seemed like the guy who had truly found happiness and was doing ok. But in reality, that just meant he carried his pain "well." What does that mean? To carry your pain well?  I'm guessing it actually means we hide it. And I'm not sure that is considered carrying it well.  The fact this song has more than 2 million views leads me to believe others are wrestling this season. I may not be able to tell you how it's all going to work ou...

 The tension.  We all live in it-- every day. The tension of holding joy and holding pain. We can't escape it. But the way it shows up in our lives is different. We meet some people and immediately know the pain is taking over. We meet some and quickly see more joy-- and wonder how in the world their life can be so bright when the world is in so much chaos. But it's important to note that EVERYONE has the tension. Everyone has pockets of pain. Everyone has pockets of joy. How they are reflected is different.  I recognize the way I show up probably leans more toward the "bright side"-- and I wonder if that does a disservice to some on the periphery. I had a conversation with a newish friend and shared a bit of my heartache. She appeared to be caught off guard. Her response was, "I just had no idea. You seem so full of light all the time."  Do people see the bright side and make assumptions? Maybe people don't check in because they think all is well. We ar...

 On May 1 I celebrated one year in Charlotte. Here's part 5 of my #MindaPoppins adventure. 

Greenville was the next stop after Seattle. I'd actually thought Greenville would be the final stop in this adventure. I thought I'd visit a few more places, but had anticipated coming back to Greenville. So much that I even started looking at homes in the area. I was 25 minutes away from family, 50 minutes away from the lake, and it seemed like the most logical landing place for me. When I recorded this video, I didn't know what was coming next. I'd begun to toss out the ideas of Florida next, but I didn't have a plan in place and felt a twinge of anxiousness. I wasn't nervous; I knew the plan would come together. But there were no next steps in place. 

Social media is a strange place. We know this. I'm not telling you anything new. And while some of you think I live my entire life online, that's actually not the truth. There are a LOT of pieces of me that stay offline. Three years ago I was getting through the biggest heartache/breakup I'd experienced to that point. And most of you never knew I'd even had a boyfriend to cause such heartache. Because I'd kept that offline. I never posted about my boyfriend on social media. Sure, my close friends knew about him, but outside of that, it was a part of my life I'd kept offline. I WANTED to share about him-- and was trying to decide the right time to share-- but it fell apart before I got the chance.  And then I found myself processing heartbreak offline as well. How could I talk about the heartache I was processing when I'd never even told anyone online there was a boyfriend to begin with? My close friends who knew the details showed up in a really big way-- to...

  If DC was the perfect first stop on the Minda Poppins adventures, Washington state was the perfect second step. I felt loved and cared for and it was a bit overwhelming. I'm grateful for this stop and also so glad I recorded this video to get the very fresh emotions/feelings captured.