Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Biggest Loser

I'm way behind....I realize this now.

Season 12 is the first season for me to watch The Biggest Loser.

I've been so impressed with the show that in the meantime I've been going back and watching all of Season 11 as well. I'm sure I'll work my way back and watch more seasons.

But there has been a switch to take place in my mind after watching this show.

I've never been happy with my weight. As far back as I can remember. Maybe even back to 7th or 8th grade. I don't think I've ever looked in a mirror and just been thrilled with what I've seen (except for maybe after my 3 week fast...and that's just not right.)

What I see in the mirror is SO different than what is actually truth.

In 2006 I became serious about working out. In college I worked out maybe 1 or 2 times a week- but nothing serious. In 2006 I became a gym rat. Every morning....in the evening....ALL THE TIME. 6 days a week.

Yet I never got to a place where I felt I looked good.

Both of my sisters are skinnier than me- and truth be told- they are the 2 measuring models I hold myself too. So that instantly creates a bit of drama every time I'm around my family and sisters. Because while I might not just outright tell them, there has always been an underlying tension when I'm around my sisters...whom I love DEARLY and would do anything for them.

But when I see my sisters- I see the measuring stick. And I never measure up.

When a sister calls and says "I've lost 15 lbs!!" or any type of thing- I instantly think "WHAT?!?!?!  HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!!?!? I do everything I can and that is NEVER a phone call I've been able to make. And then the 'measuring stick' gets more and more hard to measure up to.

I started watching the Biggest Loser Season 12 from episode 1 when girls were weighing in at 250, 270, 300, 315 pounds.

And to be very honest with you- looking at them on the scale....THAT is how I view myself when I look in the mirror. I see myself as a 250, 270, 300, 315 pound person. Now. I KNOW that's not truth- but that's what I see when I look in the mirror. It's not even CLOSE to the truth.

So to go through the progression of watching this season- I keep thinking to myself "DANG!!!! These girls look SO good!" as they are shedding pounds. And then I would think "wait. I weigh less than them. So if they look good at ____ weight....Why don't I think I look good at ____ weight which is still less than them?"

Yeah. It's messed up.

I go to the gym still. I run. I am in the gym 4 times a week- sometimes more. Sometimes less. I eat healthy. I have a juicer. I drink water. I make good food decisions.

I feel like after having watched Biggest Loser 11 and 12 some scales are being removed from my vision. When I look in the mirror- I'm starting to see myself for the size I really am. My mirrors in my apartment are NOT the crazy house mirrors. They are not adding 150 lbs, which I like to think they do.

I don't think I'm at a place where everything is all better, my self esteem is at an all time high- or I am completely at peace with my self and my body, but. I have to say. My vision is shifting.

Thank you, Biggest Loser.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

My Pitiful Story

Last week I made plans with a couple of co-workers for them to come over to my apartment for dinner. You people know me...I'm always hosting and cooking. And just because I live in a new state and city doesn't mean I still can't do that here.

sidenote***
(I'm well aware that a few of my coworkers might be reading this blog...and I'm well aware that this is going to make me sound pitiful...But i'm willing to risk that for the sake of my OTHER readers who care to know how i'm doing in Tally)

So last week when I made the plans I was stoked. My place was decorated for Christmas and what good are Christmas trees, beautiful decorations, and Christmas music without people to share it with?!?! I had a spot for 3 people at my table so I invited 3 people. (one is not a coworker- but family of one of the coworkers)

The plan was for them to come over on Thursday night.

Well. Wednesday afternoon/evening I began to feel the effects of food poisoning. I got home from the gym and felt miserable. Thursday morning I woke up feeling the same way....BUT. As I was about to email my boss to tell her I'd be out sick, I realized that if I were to be home 'sick' then my coworkers would NOT come over to my place for dinner!!!  And I knew I wasn't contagious sick and 'dont' be around me' sick....but just FOOD freaking POISONING sick....

So. I did what any crazy insane person would do. I went to work.
I don't know if many of you have ever had food poisoning but it is NOT fun. And to  be at WORK with food poisoning? Yeah, that's awful.

When I talked to my sister, Lisa, and explained WHY I was at work, she responded "Minda! That's just pitiful."

Yes, yes I know.

But it's not often I have people coming over to my apartment here in Tally and I didn't want to miss out.

SO. Got home from work on Thursday, made dinner, got the apartment all ready and had my coworkers over. I'd made appetizers, homemade soup, mini apple pies for dessert and had a great time.

But the moment that door shut on their way out, let me tell you. It was not pretty, folks. :-) (<-- i only put a smiley face there to make that sentence not seem so horrible.)

I went to bed and woke up Friday morning STILLLLLL feeling awful. I called in sick and stayed home. Like I SHOULD have done on Thursday.

So. I'm mostly back to normal today.

I think :-)

And to those who will see me this weekend or any time in the near future....I wasn't SICK so don't feel like you have to avoid me :-)
 

Friday, December 2, 2011

Opening a Conversation

I'd like to open a conversation with you.

I've read 2 articles recently that have got me thinking.

And a blog is one way to open a conversation that invites response, yes?

So here goes.

If you leave a comment- make sure to click the button that says "email follow up responses" so you can stay part of the convo. (I know, blogspot needs to get better about this, but for now- just click the box.)

Here is article number 1: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/digital-issue/53?page=66

Here is article number 2: http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/09/27/why-young-christians-arent-waiting-anymore/

There is a new show coming up on TLC called something like "The Virgin Diaries" or something. I have to say. I've watched the preview clips and it is mortifying and embarrassing. If I were 15 and watching- I'd say "Find me the closest guy and let's get it on!" in attempts to not let that be my story. They have made the clips downright horrifying.

Yeah, I'm being honest here.

The statistics are mind-blowing in my opinion.

Are they crazy to you?

Are people still waiting? Are YOU still waiting? If you are married- was this important to you?

Thoughts?